If Only
by ashlynthestory-creator
Summary: "If only you could know, the things I long say. If only you would notice what I'm dying to reveal. If only it were true; if only for a while..." If only Lily knew how Severus ached behind that smile.


_Snippets from The Little Mermaid on Broadway's If Only. Mostly Ariel's lines; I hope you enjoy! _

If Only

"Lily, give it back." Severus said and held out his hand for his potions essay.

"I'm reading," she told him patiently and sat down beside him on the lush green grass along the lake.

The fifth year glanced up and smiled at Lily's concentration in reading the essay. Her glittering green eyes were fixed on the page and her pretty, bright-red wavy hair fluttered around her face from the warm spring breeze.

"I never knew I guy like you could write such a nice paper on the Love Potion," she smiled and handed him the lengthy piece of parchment.

"Thanks," he gave her the grin that he only reserved for her.

"You are an interesting person, Severus Snape," she told him. "You really surprise me. For someone who wants teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, you're amazing at such-well-'good' potions."

"I'd teach, if only you'd teach with me," he said sheepishly. Why was it when he talked to Lily now days that his sentences came out short, twisted or just plain embarrassing? Should he just come out and tell her? He fancied her since he first laid eyes upon her. But he hadn't an idea on how to start; the only thing he'd want to copy of Potter and Black would be their pick-up lines. Severus knew they'd be useless on Lily but the attempt would be worth it. If only Lily realized it on her own. For an incredibly talented witch, he was shocked that she didn't know.

_**If only you could know, the things I long say**_

_**If only I could to tell you what I wish I could convey**_

_**It's in my every glance**_

_**My heart's an open book**_

_**You could see it all at once if only you would look**_

"Sev. Sev. Severus!" She waved her hand in front of his face to snap him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry Lily; continue with your story" he mumbled and gazed into those all-too-familiar emerald eyes. When would he have the nerve to tell her? Why was it that he got lost in her tenderness and kindness and beauty? It would be humiliating if she denied him. How could he tell her about thoughts he constantly had about her? Her red head on his shoulder when they walked down the halls with their hands intertwined; with them talking to each other with love and happiness. If only could know, with out him having to try.

_**If only you could glimpse**_

_**The feelings that I feel**_

_**If only you would notice what I'm dying to reveal**_

_**The dreams I can't declare**_

_**The needs I can't deny**_

_**You'd understand them all**_

_**If only you would try…**_

All he needed was her to make the first move and then he'd take it from there. He'd would pour his heart out to her and she would do the same. The awkwardness would disappear, the tension destroyed when they would go for each other's first kiss…

_**All my secrets, you will learn them**_

_**All my longings, you'll return them**_

_**Then the silence, would be broken**_

_**Not a word would need to be spoken**_

_**If only it were true**_

_**If only for a while**_

It frustrated him that she just didn't know. Sure, every boy in their year when goggle-eyed when they got a glimpse of her but Severus looked at her with more that they had. They looked because she was pretty. Although he couldn't deny that he doesn't look at her for her grace and beauty; he also loved her since she was intelligent and freakishly kind to everyone.

"-And so they lost all their Zonko products to McGonagall!" Lily laughed heartily while Severus smiled blankly.

_**If only you would notice**_

_**How I ache behind my smile**_

"Well I'd better get going, I've got a lot of work from Ancient Runes to catch-up on," she said as she got up and brushed the grass and dirty mindlessly of her skirt. "See you at dinner, bye!" she waved off to her friend and practically skipped away like a doe.

"I'll think of a way," Severus said to himself determinately. "What ever if would take."

_**I guess you never will**_

_**I guess it doesn't show**_

_**But if I never find a way to tell you so**_

_**Oh, what I would give**_

_**If only you could know**_

**XXX**

He never got the chance. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get their last encounter out of his head. It has been twenty-two years later since the tragic event occurred and the memory was still fresh in his head.

"_Lily, wait!" Snape called after her breathlessly. "I'm sorry."_

"_I'm not interested," she spat._

"_I'm sorry!" he tried again but she shut him out once more._

"_Save your breath," she grumbled.  
It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. _

"_I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."_

"_I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you a Mudblood it just-"_

"_Slipped out?" There was not pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friend-you see, you don't even deny it!" You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"_

_He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking._

"_I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."_

"_No-listen, I didn't mean-"_

"_-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"_

_He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…_

Stop! The ever so intelligent part of his brain hollered at him as it did many times before.

This happened when they were young, just sixteen. He never approached her again for the fear his heart would be torn apart again. 'But once she got older, she might have forgiven me.' He thought miserably. Then he would have know how those soft pink lips felt against his. They were best friends since before their Hogwarts days! Although she started dating Potter half-way through the seventh year; she and him had more history, more adventure, more…love for another. It was just too late. He would never know. All he had were his own world of fantasies that kept him from killing himself to join Lily. That, and making sure she didn't die in vain; make sure her sacrifice was worth it. If only she knew why he loved her with all his heart.

_**If only there were time**_

_**I know we'd kiss at last**_

_**But time keeps racing forward**_

_**And our moment's has just passed!**_

_**It will never happen now...**_

_**Oh, what I would give if only you could know...**_


End file.
